0 Creature Feature: (Drunk) Vervet Monkeys.

There are a lot of awkward things about humans. The feet and spine are far from ideal for a biped. We can eat meat even if we really shouldn't. For some reason, liquor has been a part of human civilization since forever. If the Aquatic Ape Theory is a thing, why not a Drunk Ape Theory?



OK, fine. Those aren't apes, they're vervet monkeys (Chlorocebus pygerythrus).Vervet monkeys are small monkeys native to the Eastern coast of Africa. Some populations also exist on Saint Kitts, Barbados, and Nevis as a result of the African slave trade. They eat mostly vegetation. Oh, and given the chance, they will also indulge in liquor. It's not uncommon amongst primates, really. Evolution is a thing!

These particular vervet monkeys are residents of Saint Kitts Island in the Caribbean. Since their introduction, the monkeys have taken to the drinks offered at Caribbean resorts. Scientists studied the monkeys for two years. They found shockingly close parallels with human behavior that, aside from signs of blatant drunkenness, would not be obvious to the casual observer. The ratios of, say, drinkers to teetotalers are exactly the same between the vervets and humans, for example. The drunken monkeys also seem to be the popular ones, but don't give yourself alcohol poisoning trying to prove this one in humans.

Hi, I'm Lori, and my monkey's an alcoholic. Disclaimer: this ranch probably does not give its monkeys booze.

But wait! These monkeys are pretty cool when they aren't drunk, too! They have hypertension and anxiety disorders exactly as found in humans. They are also among the few animals in nature who are actually spiteful, destroying the food sources of competitors instead of consuming it themselves. Primates: so much like us, in all the wrong ways. Your mileage may vary.

Vervet monkeys are also very vocal. They are among the few non-human animals to have something resembling words: specific alarm calls for specific predators. They have a different call for snakes than they do for eagles, a different call for eagles than baboons, and so on. I don't think anybody has tried to test the effect of liquor on these calls, but it would be funny to see.

Detail: Creature Feature: (Drunk) Vervet Monkeys.

0 Creature Feature: Cuban Iguana.

Tip: You can tell how loose a state's animal laws are by how awesome their zoo is. If the reptile house in San Antonio was any indication, there were indeed some loose laws and low paperwork for venomous snakes. I did not expect to see this in the reptile house, either, and since a friend of mine's a big iguana fan, here goes:

Screw sourcing, I took this one.

The lizard lounging above is a Cuban iguana (Cyclura nubila), currently listed as "vulnerable" in terms of conservation. It is primarily an herbivore. This iguana lives in the rockier parts of Cuba, and is closely related to the Cayman Blue Iguana. It does not give a single flip that its island is communist, and walks around Guantanamo Bay quite freely. How fortunate that lizards can still enjoy the island because it's an island.

Cuban iguanas have some weird things about them just by being iguanas. All iguanids have what's called a "parietal eye" on top of their heads. It's a white dot that can detect light and shadow. The iguana's third eye is very active; their real eyes also have red scleras. There's more: their herbivorous diet, in this case, is supplemented by roundworms instead of the multiple stomachs and bacteria that ruminants have. This is just general iguana stuff- bet you didn't know they were strange by default.

Now THAT is eye-popping! Source.

Another weird thing: these iguanas are immune to cacti. Not just "they eat the stuff without getting pricked" - Cuban iguanas thrive around cacti. They make their nests in cacti, probably because other animals will avoid it. The cactus serves as a fortress complete with food. It's hard to get better than that.


Bizarrely, the Cuban iguana is probably the only reptile which has been viewed positively by the U.S. government. In a case concerning the legality of goings-on at Guantanamo Bay, attorney Tom Wilner pointed out that one could be punished for killing a Cuban iguana on-base, but torturing people was A-OK. Interesting argument, and props for looking it up. Not many lawyers would care about iguanas, even if they were endangered. Nicely done. 

Luckily, there are plenty of captive-bred Cuban iguanas. Most of the ones in the pet trade actually come from a feral population released south of Puerto Rico. Zoos breed them all the time. There is literally no need to take these guys off of Cuba, which is a good thing, considering humans, cats, dogs, and swine are responsible for the decline of the native population. They'll make a comeback; maybe the next leader of Cuba will be a lizard. ;)

Detail: Creature Feature: Cuban Iguana.

0 Creature Feature: Streamertail Hummingbirds.

What lovely weather we are having in Chicago. Over 6 inches of snow, and having to shovel it, gives me perfectly logical ground to question one's reasons for wanting to see IL in the winter. Without getting too grudgy, let's switch to something happier and summer-y, shall we?

This is a male streamer-tail hummingbird, or doctorbird in Jamaica. It is part of the rare genus Trochilus, which is exclusive to Jamaica. Depending on who you ask, there may be just one species (Trochilus polytmus) or two. One of the few differences is bill color: they come in red and black for your convenience. Regardless, this little birdie is the national bird of Jamaica.

If you want to see some really unique avian physiology, look into hummingbirds. Not only are tiny birds like that absurdly cute by themselves, but some, like the streamer-tails, have almost unbelievable proportions. As in many birds with fancy tails, the streamers are exclusive to males. They are almost twice as long as the actual bird! Again, only the males have this plumage.

This is the only bird that, to my knowledge, has mating plumage that sings. The tailfeathers of this hummingbird hum. As with the regular "hum" in hummingbirds, this is just done by the vibrations of the oddly-edged feathers. It's not like these things are trying to woo a woman with autotune. That'd just be silly.

A rather interesting note: the streamer-tail hummingbird is the only hummingbird to ever do anything in a Bond story. In For Your Eyes Only, the first line mentions the "streamer-tail or doctor hummingbird" as the most beautiful bird in Jamaica, if not the world. Comment below whether you think it is or not; I'm genuinely curious who would win an avian beauty contest.

Detail: Creature Feature: Streamertail Hummingbirds.