0 I Actually Ate That: Turtle.

So, while in Vancouver's Chinatown, there were a million food markets showcasing a million foods that Americans would consider "weird." Snakes and (Tokay) geckos on a stick come to mind immediately. There were a few large mushrooms I could not identify. They had tanks of live sole, tilapia, lobster, and crabs. For future reference, the smells mean freshness!

Oh, and I got to try turtle.

Those are turtle balls. Haha, no, they did not go inside a turtle and take out its junk. That's just turtle meat rolled up into a ball as an appetizer! I quite liked them, even if the sauce was something that I could not quite place (soy? probably). Turtle had a strange taste that I'm having trouble describing, but could probably pick out again. Despite being deep-fried, turtle was actually the most healthful of the dim-sum offered at the beginning of the meal.

Turtle has been used in Chinese medicine for centuries. You've heard the shtick several times on this column: you eat an animal, you gain its superpowers. Turtles are among the most long-lived of reptiles, with the record-holder for chelonians being Harriet at 179 years old- that's over twice the lifespan of the average human. Although that was a Galapagos tortoise and not a soft-shell turtle as is commonly used in cuisine, chelonians in general have an almost sage look to them with lifespans to match. It's not unreasonable to think that they might grant anybody who eats their flesh considerable longevity - maybe even youthfulness.

The kicker is that the Chinese were right about this one. Turtle meat has a number of health benefits according to Western science, too! It's significantly lower in calories than beef, albeit with less protein. It's also rich in vitamins A, B1, B2, and B6, which help make food processing easier. The minerals calcium, phosphorus, and zinc are also abundant in turtle meat. The stuff is pretty much its own vitamin shop if you do rigorous activity, and certainly makes a welcome alternative to your standard meats.

Another, odder turtle product called guilinggao is said to be a miracle worker for the skin. It's a strange jelly made from the plastron (tough belly) of a turtle (preferably the three-lined box or "golden coin" turtle, Cuora trifasciata) and a few other botanical ingredients. It's actually a jelly dessert, thought to be good for the skin. A word of warning for foodies everywhere: not all guilinggao contains actual turtle, despite what you see on the can.

Japan has another version of turtle meat still known as suppon. It's expensive, and usually packaged in plastic wrap like in the above screenie from Railgun S. Like most turtle meat, it's made from soft-shell turtle. Its uses are more cosmetic than medicinal; supposedly, its meat is high in collagen, which any lady out there will remember as being great for the skin. Its blood also supposedly tastes great with wine mixed in. The things people do for beauty, I guess.

Next time you go to Chinatown, take a good look around. Stop into a good restaurant and see what's on the native Chinese menu. They know how to make their food good, regardless of "weird" ingredients. Some of it is even great for you! I also could have tried snake soup, but decided against it...because I'm not really fond of soup, snake or no.

Detail: I Actually Ate That: Turtle.

0 Bio-Art/A Week of Hogwash: Tattooed Pigs.

Whew, back on track! For the record, me collapsing on Monday nights is indeed normal. Luckily, this week promises to be fun. It's a whole week of hogwash, or awesome pigs you never thought you'd meet.

Belgian tattoo artist Wim Delvoye has found new meaning in life: tattooing pigs. He started tattooing pig carcasses while working at a slaughterhouse, then proceeded to tattoo live, sedated pigs in 1994. There is now a massive gallery of tattooed swine. They are found only in Art Farm China and, occasionally, in museums. 

So, why pigs? "They grow fast and are so much better to tattoo than fish," says Delvoye. It's also nice that we can see the ink on the pigs because their hairs are so fine. As the artist points out, it is also fascinating to see a tattoo on a young pig blossom into a massive artwork on a full-grown hog. Then, when the pig's time has come to go to the sty in the sky, the tattooed skin remains.

Even if you put fashionable tattoos on a pig, it's still a pig.

Interested in having a pig as a pet? How about an inked pig? Art Farm does indeed intend to sell its swine, probably for a pretty piggy penny, somewhere down the line. For now, however, it is possible to buy an inked pigskin or stuffed pig. They are also occasionally on display in various art galleries, so be on the lookout for tattooed pigs in a museum near you.

Or not! Some people have amazingly strong reactions to these pigs, calling the inking a violation of animal rights. Delvoye claims that the pigs actually feel less pain than humans on the skin - in part because pigs were wild at one point and aren't known for having flimsy skin in the first place (think "football"). Regardless, the topic of tattooed swine tends to carry mental outrage in its wake. Unless every single protestor has never touched bacon, however, they are probably just as "hypocritical" as the vegetarian artist is; you do not wanna know what goes on at pig farms where the porkers aren't inked.

Detail: Bio-Art/A Week of Hogwash: Tattooed Pigs.

0 "They Actually Eat That:" Pigs in China.

Today's entry is one of our more 'different' food features. Instead of looking at downright weird food, this entry will focus on China's new version of "normal" food. The Chinese love meat, for sure. That includes relatively mundane meat, like pork...which they are crazy about.

Yes, despite being a nation of "we'll eat anything," China is particularly fond of pork. There are a whole slew of reasons for this, including pigs serving as garbage disposals in traditional households. There is one angle that is particularly pertinent to this column: meat is a triumph over China's other weird food.

This blog covers a lot of weird foods. One of the main reasons people eat weird foods is because it's traditional. The case holds for China, the nation of "everything we can land chopsticks on," as well. Eating many foods is good for humans, but there are cultural stigmas and the like that make certain foods taboo, or, otherwise, convey status.

That is exactly the situation with pork in China: it's a status thing. The Chinese see eating meat as a triumph over poverty. Thus meat, particularly pork, is seeing an amazing rise in popularity. This also correlates with the increasing amount of money in China's collective pocket. While eating anything may attract tourists, China loves pork so much that half of the world's swine live there. More and more people are eating them every day.

This increased demand for pork has led to severe environmental damage. As any of us who have seen The Simpsons Movie know, pigs are among the most environmentally-unfriendly farm animals in existence. Respiratory infections and awful smells follow in the wake of a pig farm. Oh, and yes, overdosing pigs on antibiotics leads to antibiotic resistant bacteria ("superbugs") in the pigs' feces.

Detail: "They Actually Eat That:" Pigs in China.

0 Creature Feature:

Ever think about how huge an honor it must be to name a dinosaur? The result is then recorded for generations to come- at least, until somebody finds that it belongs to an existing species and needs to be merged. Oh well.

Michael Crichton received the honor of being named after a dinosaur in 2002 when an ankylosaur was dug up in China. The ankylosaur was named Crichtonsaurus bohlini; a second species in the genus was found in 2007. Crichtonsaurus was around during the Late Cretaceous- the last period before the KT event, which wiped out the vast majority of dinos. On the plus side, at least it got to hang with T-Rex, Triceratops, and a bunch of other popular dinos we all know and love.

Don't know who Crichton is? Of course you do. He's the guy who wrote Jurassic Park! Without him, many of us would not be into dinosaurs. Many of us would also not own pet reptiles; Jurassic Park made owning lizards, particularly the frilled dragon, very fashionable. The world would not be the same place without Crichton. He deserves a dinosaur.

Crichtonsaurus was technically a nodosaur, not an ankylosaur. The general idea is still the same: an armored, herbivorous mass of scale and plates. Many ankylosaurs also had a club on their tails which could be used like a mace. They're neat creatures, and this blog needs more of them. It's still far from what one would expect if they heard that the author of Jurassic Park got his own dinosaur.

We want something that'll look cool on a logo, darnit!

Really, though? It doesn't matter if this dinosaur was a clunky, herbivorous tank instead of a massive predator like T-Rex. If anyone deserved a dinosaur named after them, it was the author of Jurassic Park. Without him, the world would be a very different place.

Detail: Creature Feature:

0 Creature Feature: Chinese False Cobra.

Well!  Today is the first official day of the Chinese Year of the Snake! What better way to celebrate than do kick things off with a Chinese snake, eh?


(This photograph belongs to its rightful owner. They are very lucky to have such a gorgeous, rare snake!)

This will probably be the first look at a Chinese False Cobra (Pseudoxenodon bambusicola) for many of you. It's native to the cool mountain forests of China. The species is rear-fanged venomous, so handle with care. In the wild, it feeds almost exclusively on frogs. This habit carries over into captivity.

The reasoning behind it being a false cobra is simple: like a cobra, this snake can flatten out a few ribs and raise its head. As Tom Crutchfield, one of the few people who works with these snakes, says, they're "the best monocled cobra mimics. Ever." 

Other than that, this snake is hard to find information on. This is largely because it's all but unheard of in the pet trade. You really have to know someone who's seen one, then done the homework, go to China and pray to Nuwa (China's local snake-bodied deity) that you can snap a pic, or randomly find it in a reptile magazine. Some Indian reptile guides also cover this species. Other than basic field information, very little is known.

These are not beginner's snakes. For starters, yes, they are venomous. There are only a select few people who will breed them, which means either spending a lot of money or getting parasitized wild imports. Finally, they only eat frogs, and nobody has found a way around it. That means no buying mousecicles for Chinese false cobras. Even pros have trouble keeping this shy, fairly docile snake alive. Please try something like a kingsnake or ball python before getting into cobras of any kind!

Just between you and me, I should have done a blue or more black snake for this entry. Happy Year of the Snake- don't worry, snakes guard your money like dragons do their treasure!

Detail: Creature Feature: Chinese False Cobra.

0 "They Actually Eat That:" Rhinoceros.

Remember when I said that humans will eat megafauna like no tomorrow? I wasn't kidding. Humans have been eating giant animals since Homo sapiens were a thing, still eat giant animals today, and will continue to eat giant animals in the future.Nothing is safe unless it is explicitly poisonous. Even then, fast food is worse for you than rhino meat:

Image by National Geographic. Look at how red it is compared to domestic meat...

Today is no exception. Everything is fair game, including the powerful rhinoceros. As long as rhinos exist, people will hunt them, just like we did to most other megafauna. We will also be eating them to the end of time. Habitat destruction is almost a new one, but this is about the edible side of things, so let's stick to that.

China, of course, is in on rhino meat. Rhinoceros horn has been touted for various medicinal properties, just like almost any other part of almost any other animal. Its main use is as a painkiller, with rhino horns fetching up to $30,000 per kilogram. There is also a concoction involving a rhino skull and coconut oil. All of this has no potency whatsoever.

A lot of people already know about the rhino horn trade. A lot fewer people realize that there is a lot of meat there. The meat itself supposedly has properties as well. It has been touted as a cure for leprosy, diarrhea, and tuberculosis. There is absolutely no basis for this.

Eating rhino is not at all common. Rhinoceroses are big, fierce animals. They're hard to kill, even with rifles and other modern weaponry. Rhino meat is still quite valuable as exotic meat. There are roughly 275 Sumatran rhinos left; we'd like to keep some around, so please don't eat rhino meat or buy...anything rhino-based, really. It may be delaying the inevitable, but let's try to keep megafauna around for as long as we can.

Detail: "They Actually Eat That:" Rhinoceros.